Be: The story of The Jar

This story comes in many different versions - this is the one I remember, although I do like the shorter joke version that involves beer.

The story takes place in this management seminar for high-flying business executives where they've got a bunch of conferences about how to synergise your product verticals in the prosumer spaces, what's the best 5 iron to buy as a collateralised debt obligation, and how to build up a track record of delivering solid project across transversals and all that kind of management stuff...

And amongst the lectures given is that one on time management, and the headline is this proper mystic-ass Zen shaman guru cat, full-on baba robes and weird hair or lack thereof (you see the kind, right) and, although all the other speakers are billed as MBA CEO PTSD, CFO ROFL BBQ and that kind of stuff, the guru guy is just listed as "Spiritual temporalisator" or something equally intriguing.

Anyway, the guy walk in, walks up to the podium, and brandishes a large glass jar, the kind you could pickle a prize-winning cabbage in. He asks "Tell me. Is the jar full?"

I should specify at this stage for the sake of narrative integrity that the jar is, in fact, empty.

So there's a couple of glances in the audience, they're all sitting silent in awe of the guy, who smells strongly of patchouli and of that weird incense their kids tend to use, the one that  makes them feel a bit woozy.

Then Chad  (there's always a Chad - not the country, but the kind of suited boardroom winner Colgate smiled salesman bro that looks like he's stepped out of a stock photograph and into an Orwellian douchetopia), who's the senior vice-president of new media, technology and millenials at Meretricibus Ltd. ("Businessing in business: making your business a business") pipes up:

"No, it's empty!"

Guru cat nods wisely. Produces a big stone from somewhere about his person and the robes it comes in, puts it in the jar, closes the lid. The stones about as big as the jar, it's a nice fit. It's like a mineral competition cabbbage, basically.

So he asks again "Tell me. Is the jar full?"

Chad, heady with his previous success in answering a yes/no question that would be considered beneath the mental acumen of the average four year old, is on a roll:

"Yes!"

The Guru shakes his head, and in that movement manages to convey a degree of sorrow rarely seen outside of cancer wards.

"No. The jar is not full. Look."

He opens a lid, produce a handful of smaller stones he manages to cram in the jar around the big one, closes the lid. "Tell me. Is the jar full now?"

Chad is of course burning with a shame that reminds him of that prom night with Pamela, so he sits that one out, but some other person, from the back of the room shouts "Yup, look full to me."

The mystic guy dismissively asserts "You looked, but you did not see.", opens the lid, gets some gravel, adds it to the jar, closes the lid.

Murmurs all around the audience.

"See! Tell me, is the jar full? "

Now of course, those guys didn't manage to get where they are - not the Twin Palms Beach Resort, Country Club and Golf Course, but where they are in their professional life, by being able to be made into fools three times in a row. I mean, twice, maybe, but not three times.

So there's an increasing wave of whisper and overall brouhaha as they attempt to gauge whether to take the risk of answering, and if so, what to say.

At which point the Guru mutters "Well, I am getting paid 10 grand for this", and shouts "You see, but you do not observe, you think the jar may be full this time. But is it? Behold!", and, same trick, adds some sand to the jar, closes the lid.

The suits are really impressed. This guy is good. This is definitely going somewhere... With the robes and the jar, I mean bra-vo. This is going to be one they're going to milk for all its worth for many a dinner party to come. There's even the beginning of a smatter of applause before the monk (is he a monk? who knows?) silences them in a single swoop of his arm, and bellows:

"So.... Is the jar full now?".

This is it, this is the climax, and it's nearly lunch so, they go for it, I mean yeah, fair enough, the sand, right, but like, it's full now right? and many voices pipe up saying "Yes!"

So the man on the stage opens the lid, grabs the pitcher of water next to the glass on the speaker's podium, and, in complete silence, broken by gasps of astonishment from the corporoids, starts pouring some water in the jar, managing to add about a pint before it is now, full to the brim.

Rapturous applause, some people were so taken in they think that's it and actually stand up and leave, the works.

Again, gesture, again silence.

"So... what does this show you. You have looked. You have seen. You have observed and beholden, but have you.... understood?"

Chad is in for a comeback, because, well, earlier on there was a bit of loss of face, and to be fair, he wouldn't mind doing a bit on an impression on the blonde HR director that, now that he thinks of it, reminds him of Pamela.

"Yeah, yeah, of course, it's like, a metaphor, see, for time management. We think we're fully booked, but in between the big events in our schedule, there's always time to have quick catch-up, and in between those, work through your emails, especially now with technology, it's the idea of zero-downtime for the win, like in that book that..."

The sage proceeds to empty the contents of the jar onto Chad, water, sand, gravel, stones big and small cascade down his suit.

"No. You do not learn. You do not see, you do not understand. The point of this, is thatif I'd started filling the jar with the sand and the water, there wouldn't have been any space for the stones!"

So... Prioritise your life.

In terms of time, in terms of money, in terms of mental energy.

It's easy to fill in on  sand and water: the minutes on Facebook that add up to hours, the reading of news stories forgotten the next day, the new gadget here and the needless lunch out there...

But too much of that, and you won't have space for the stones - love, friendship, buying a holiday you really need, reading a book, learning a new language, spending time with your family, or simply in the company of yourself.

So, start with the stones. Know your stones, and start there. And then, if there is space, fill it with sand.

But you'll soon find out you'll find more stones you care about more than the sand and the water.

Learn: Gluten - the silent killer of common sense.

This post is certified gluten free, but has been typed in a room containing nuts

Try this interesting party trick: next time you're at a social gathering (that can range from a dinner party to binge-drinking session to a barbecue to a an impromptu dogging session), casually drop in the following question:

"By the way, folks... does anyone knows what gluten actually is?"

Then watch, astounded, as you realise that, in 90% of cases, no one has a fucking clue. People know it's in wheat products, and that, well it's probably not good, because lots of people are gluten intolerant, and they make all that gluten free stuff... And that's about the extent of it.

Now, I'm not going to rise to the defence of a protein composite - well, I am, but I'm going to do so from the perspective of material engineering. Gluten is the thing that allows anyone with flour, yeast, water, time, and a bit of training to do that cool dough-spinning thing pizzaioli do.

You can make dough with all sorts of grain. But you're not going to get that magic stretchyness in dough made from grain low on gluten.

So, gluten. What is the Big Deal?

Gluten intolerance, is not, really, medically, a properly defined condition. Coeliac disease is - that affects between half a percent to a percent of the population. The rest... well... is... I hesitate to use the term bollocks, but, well. I find it hard to believe that the percentage of the UK population self-describing as gluten-intolerant are not using this term as a shorthand for "easily swayed by marketing and not really understanding how my gastrointestinal system works".

The point I will put forward to back up this assertion is that this whole gluten intolerance phenomenon is culturally bound.

Let me take a detour here.

Remember that whole autism vaccine scare you guys had in the UK? Well, weirdly, that never happened in France. Whereas the vaccine is the same. But oddly, in France, when the Hep B vaccine came about, there was a similar scare, alleging it increased the risk, if not caused, multiple sclerosis.

Unfortunately, vaccine scares and anti-vaccination campaigner (which is a shorthand for "idiots") are still a thing. Mostly in the US, but still. If you ever find yourself engaging in a conversation with someone taking some kind of anti-vaccination stance, try putting to them the example above.

Because, well, in countries where the genetic background is broadly the same, and if we're looking at the same substance... surely either the phenomenon would occur in both, or in neither.

The fact it is culturally bound proves it's non-sense.

So back to the intolerable gluten intolerance gluttony the UK seems to have develop. Look across the channel. Actually, grab a holiday there if you can, the exchange rate is good thanks to Greece's latests stunt. There is barely a market for gluten-free products in France.

So what does this tell us? Yes, coeliac disease is a legitimate pathology that is to be taken seriously. "gluten intolerance", however, isn't and should be taken with a pinch of salt.

I mean, I understand it's tempting to picture Gluten as this sort of mythical monster. In my head, I'm imagining a sunburnt, tubby David Cameron on a beach.

So yeah, if this is the mental picture you have, it's enough to make anyone trying to build a nuclear bunker entirely of rice-cakes,  and cower in it repeating "Please spare me, Glutenoth, Eldritch Creature of pure evil" whilst you steadily go mad in Lovecraftian fashion.

Seriously. Most people are not gluten intolerant. Most people simply need  bit of change in their diet, because most people by their bread in supermarkets, which is made from flour, which comes from a strain of wheat that's yummy for bread, but you know, ultimately, can make you feel a bit bloated and the like.

So they hear about "going gluten free" - first it's seen as "hey, let's try it". They give it a shot, and they feel better, tummy wise. Just as they would if they were shifting their carb intake a bit more towards rice, barley, potatoes, or what have you. 

So they think "wow, this is great", so they stick with it for a bit, just to try....

And of course, if they do that for a bit, then the next time they have a gluten-heavy meal (say a really nice Franco Manca sourdough pizza), they'll feel bloated and blah-di-blah-di blah...  just like if you go vegetarian for a year, then decide to cane a massive steak, you'll feel a bit weird because your system adapts to your diet. 

So they conclude "wow, so I'm actually gluten intolerant", and this is how it starts.

It's going to be difficult to make people aware of the feedback loop between the availability of gluten-free products, their popularity, the fact people try it, the fact they see a difference, but unlike any other difference in diet, they switched to something special, so they think there is something to it, so they actually sill fail to vary their diet and by observation bias, notice something that probably didn't bother them before they tried a gluten free diet, so they self-diagnose as "gluten intolerant", which again, medically, doesn't mean anything, which in turn make a bigger market for gluten free products.

So my suggestion is to make fun of it. If you lend someone a book specify "oh, don't worry, try it, it's gluten free". If someone offers you a glass of orange juice, ask "I don't know, is it gluten free?". Go for it. Shampoo. Cars. Computer code, what have you.

It's fun, and well, as they say...  "if you can't fight them don't join them, just make a decent attempt at explaining, and then make fun of them."

4 simple lifestyle changes with great return on investment.

Having to word this post title got me a wave of self loathing.

I'm not big on lifestyle changes. Because they're difficult (and I'm lazy), they've been hijacked by the gym culture bros, the miracle diet merchants, the self-help book peddlers, and all that galaxy of unpleasant people who piggyback our unhappiness in life to turn it into something they can sell.

But as I got older (and not quite as wiser as I wish), I realised that without noticing I'd made a couple of tweaks (or "life hacks" as some choose to call them) that had improved my general wellbeing with minimal effort or investment.

For instance, I know I should eat healthily and exercise more, but I don't. Because, well, the benefits are tremendous, but it requires an investment and a discipline I am still not quite able to fully provide.

But the stuff I'm going to be talking about is the opposite - simple things that can make a huge difference - things you can make into habits quickly, with little effort, and will reap large rewards, fairly fast, in terms of feeling better (maybe even happier), healthier (in terms of occurence of the common cold, also known as "Man Flu"), less tired, and generally on your way to becoming a better person. Or something.

1 - Be kind.

Yes, just that. It's vague, but think about your past 48 hours, and the interactions you've had with your fellow human beings over this period of time. Now try to imagine whether and how injecting a bit of kindness and tolerance would have affected those.
You should probably have a couple examples in mind.... Here's a non-exhaustive list:

• Hold a door open for someone walking through it after you.
• Say thank you if someone does this to you.
• Stand up and give up your seat on the tube to someone (they don't have to be elderly, pregnant, female, disabled or the like - they just need to look like they need the seat more than you do. And even if they don't, you've created a nice moment in someone's day. They'll pass it on.
• Be polite to call-center people you get on the phone. They're only doing their job, and it's a shit one. It's tempting to take out whatever problem got you on the phone on that person, but where does it get you? It's not their fault.
• Don't say anything about anyone that you wouldn't say if they were present.
• Remember that just because someone is doing their job, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be thanked for it.

The list goes on...

2 - Wash your hands (more often)

There's no need to go OCD on this... but the ideal, full list would be:

• After you use the loo, but also before. Your hands are likely to get in touch with areas of your body you don't really want to dirty up, when you think about it.
• Before you handle any food.
• In particular, before you eat. If you're at a restaurant, as soon as you've ordered, excuse yourself and go wash your hands. Make it clear it's not a euphemism for using the facilities.
• First thing when you make it home (and first thing when you make it to work)
• Last thing before you leave home (and last thing before you leave work)
• After you blow your nose.
• Before you touch your computer.
• As early as possible after using any kind of public transportation.

So okay, there's an element of hygiene to it. But don't go paranoid about germs. That's only what the sellers of special anti-bacterial soap and hand-sanitiser want, so you buy their stuff. Except:
- Regular soap is as effective as expensive, plastic-packaged liquid soap in terms of prophylaxy
- Hand sanitising liquids are pointless yes, you've killed the germs, but what you've done is redistributed the dirt and grime on your hands, not gotten rid of it.

But theres is much more to it than that - it gives you an opportunity to practice mindfulness, concentrate on the hand washing, and it's nice to have clean hands.

Do it properly. This quirky poster  from the Honk Kong Center for Health Protection gives you an idea, although it lacks in clarity what it brings in asian quirkiness. Basically, do not do a quick wet/rub/dry. It's dead easy to learn how medical staff do it and it doesn't take much longer:

• palm against palm,
• palm against back (times two, since unlike the first one you need to do both back separately)
• palm against palm, fingers intertwined (clean betweenthe fingers
• back of the fingers (make a yin-jang with your hand by having each hand grab the fingertips o the others, then rub sideways. Shift the position a bit so the heel of your hand can rub the back of your first knuckle
• thumbs (grab your thumbwith the other hand and rotate - then repeat on the other side

Nurses and doctors will do this automatically, thinking of something else. Don't. This is a unique opportunity to focus on the present moment, to take a bit of time off from your worries and the chattering monkey mind, and apply your concentration to something. Enjoy it. Feel the lather, Pay attention to the tactile sensation. Notice the temperature of the water. Close your eyes - why not? you don't really need them once you're doing the actual washing...

3 - Buy things based on the value they bring to your life, not on their price compared to the alternatives.

This is one of those things that, worded abstractly, sounds borderline incomprehensible, but with a couple of example, will become self-evident:

• I used to pay 8 pounds a month for decent broadband. Then I realise how much of my leisure time (online gaming, large (legal) downloads (a console game demo will clock in as a couple of GB these days) speed of syncing photograph, streaming movies, etc.) was dependent on high bandwidth and low latency.
  So I switched to optical fibre, and ended up on the most expensive package. That's really expensive for internet access, yes, but don't judge things in those terms - If it's important to your life, invest in it.
• If you do a lot of walking, (or have a stand-up job) buy comfortable, reliable, sensible shoes. It doesn't matter that they're expensive as far as shoes go - it's about the value it brings to your life
• Buy a decent mattress. You spend 7 to 9 hours a day on it. A third of your life. Why skimp on something that's so important to the quality of your sleep?

This segues nicely into my next point...

4 - Establish regular sleeping patterns

I'm not sure why it's at number 4, because this was the simplest to implement, with the best return on investment.

It can seem difficult, because the typical scenario is generally thus:

One goes to be a bit too late, (generally because of a unhealthy relationship to the internet, or a problem regulating their consumption of addictive television shows).
So the next morning, the snooze button take a couple of hits, and yet one's knackered all day, promises themselves to get an early night, fails, accrues sleep debt over the week, and repays it by having a week-end where sleep is shifted to late at night, and waking much later in the day.

Now the point isn't wake up early - although I prefer to do so so I can get chores out of the way in the morning rather than after work, and that generally, given the fact your circadian rythm is driven by sunlight, you get better quality sleep if you get to sleep before midnight.

But that's not the point - find the time you want to wake up. As in actually get up, and get out of bed.

Take a screwdriver to the snooze button on your alarm clock - if you needed an additional half hour, you should have set your alarm half an hour later - three bits of 10 minutes is not the same.

Decide on this time. Make a commitment, no matter how tired you feel, to get up when the alarm ring. Set your alarm at the other end of the room, push 25mg of caffeine hydrochloride via IV, jump straight in the shower, but no excuses, just get up.

It's only difficult for a day or two.

Depending on how much sleep you've had on the night before you first try this, you will start feeling tired in the evening. Notice the times you're yawning - if you chart the timings, you'll notice the dots scatter around timeframes spread apart by about 90 minutes - the duration of your sleep cycle. So if you find yourself yawning at 7, this means you'll easily fall asleep at 9.30 provided you wind down in the interval (don't get started on an exciting novel or a game of GTA).

You'll notice that it'll be much easier to get up the folllowing morning. And, if that night you still go to bed when your body is telling you you need to,  it will be even easier the morning after this.

So in short: never go to bed early hoping to catch up on some sleep. You define your waking time, and then pay attention to your body to notice when your bedtime should be. You'll start noticing what your bed time should be, and all you need to do is endeavour to be in bed about 30 minutes before that, with a book that's not too gripping. Lights off at a set time, and you'll be asleep within 5 minutes.

You'll also soon notice you wake up before the alarm clock goes off.

The super important corollary: Keep this up on weekends. 

Only allow yourself a shift in wake up time of 1.5 hours at most (that will sync nicely with an extra cycle), but don't go ruining in two days the effort spent the previous five, otherwise you will be back to square one.

Now, in terms of bed time it's up to you - but the point is that once you've got your patterns sorted, the weekend is the time where you accrue sleep debt, that is then repaid by a pattern that works for weekdays. Because you may have notice there are 5 weekdays for 2 weekend days... So if you get into a debt system, it makes sense to have it that way round. Dōng mā?

So go clubbing if that's your thing. But don't offer yourself the luxury of a lie in (but a 20 minute nap after lunch is perfectly fine) - and consider an early night on sunday

To wrap it up

I think there's another change that's got a massive return on investment, but it deserves its own post. Stop paying attention to the news. I'll leave you with this with no further explanation.

Another one is to take a hard look at your relationship to technology, and make it healthier. This should, and hopefully will have its own post, but just as a mention in passing re:quality of sleep, my first advice would be: no tech in the bedroom:

• Do not watch TV in bed, because your mind needs to learn bed is for sleeping, and if you're stimulating it whilst in this environment it can't learn
• No laptop in bed, for the same reason.
• Smartphone stays charging in the leaving room. Use a proper alarm clock
• If you like your portable console, that's cool - but play it in an armchair.
• Electronic book readers are OK, but only the one that actually only do that - not the Kindle fire that's actually a tablet, and, in terms of exposure to light and circadian rythm, an e-ink model with no backlight is much better - you can get cases for your ebook that will have a reading light if your sharing a bed with someone and they're bothered by the light on your nightstand.

Here you go. It worked for me, I can't guarantee it will for you. But try it for yourself and see. And if you do, let me know how it went. And if you don't but would like to exercise your freedom to comment, by all means, go ahead.